I am a part of a new family and am struggling about how to reference my stepkids father. He is not a good guy, doesn;t pay his support and is a drug user. I think the kids know this, but I don't want to dump on him. That would only make them defend him. So what do I do? Pretend his behavior is okay? Condemn him? Ignore him...that would be disingenuous. The kids are 12 and 14 so they get it. But they love their dad in their own way and come back after a weekend with him spitting bullets at their Mom.
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It is best to be honest...and silent. The kids will find their own truth about him and see how he treats their mom. By attacking him you force them to defend their father. Stay out of it. Stay above it. You will becoem the new role model.