A good friend has been diagnosed with cervical cancer. She is not doing well. I have never been through this and am struggling with how to support her as she gets worse and worse. Any ideas?
It's true...you need to "be there" for her...but I'm not sure everyone knows what that means. Mostly you need to let her lead the conversations. If she wants to be quiet...be quiet with her. If she wants to talk about football...talk about football. (That's the hard part...that will relax you...and you'll feel compelled to ask about the cancer...dying...whatever...but don't. She may be having a "good day" and doesn't want to go down that road. Respect that.)
There comes a time when she may talk about dying. Don't tell her she won't...don't tell her to stop talking like that. She MAY be dying (in fact...she will...so will you some day) and it's important to respect that.
Also...be there to help physically as well. Certain physical aspects that we take for granted will be taken away from her. At some point she'll ask you to help...so do it as best you can.
Read books about this as well. There aren't any "How To's" really...because each situation is different...but these books are awfully helpful. Go to the library and start looking around.
That's a good start. I have some credibility...my wife has been struggling with stage iv breast cancer for 3 years now. That means no cure...and it's been getting worse all the time. There's more...but I'll spare you.
The answer below is incredible. I can't really do better. I will say that my when my wife died of cancer she said she loved the quiet time we shared the most. Don't feel a need to fill the silences of her day. SHe is working it out. And make sure you are taking care of yourself. A suppoprt group really helped me.
The best thing you can do is to simply be there for her, listen and spend time together..Nothing is more valuable than that..I'll say some prayers for her..
Answers
It's true...you need to "be there" for her...but I'm not sure everyone knows what that means. Mostly you need to let her lead the conversations. If she wants to be quiet...be quiet with her. If she wants to talk about football...talk about football. (That's the hard part...that will relax you...and you'll feel compelled to ask about the cancer...dying...whatever...but don't. She may be having a "good day" and doesn't want to go down that road. Respect that.)
There comes a time when she may talk about dying. Don't tell her she won't...don't tell her to stop talking like that. She MAY be dying (in fact...she will...so will you some day) and it's important to respect that.
Also...be there to help physically as well. Certain physical aspects that we take for granted will be taken away from her. At some point she'll ask you to help...so do it as best you can.
Read books about this as well. There aren't any "How To's" really...because each situation is different...but these books are awfully helpful. Go to the library and start looking around.
That's a good start. I have some credibility...my wife has been struggling with stage iv breast cancer for 3 years now. That means no cure...and it's been getting worse all the time. There's more...but I'll spare you.
Take care...
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I believe in honesty around life and death. Don;t hide from what is happening and let her be pissed. You too.
The answer below is incredible. I can't really do better. I will say that my when my wife died of cancer she said she loved the quiet time we shared the most. Don't feel a need to fill the silences of her day. SHe is working it out. And make sure you are taking care of yourself. A suppoprt group really helped me.
The best thing you can do is to simply be there for her, listen and spend time together..Nothing is more valuable than that..I'll say some prayers for her..